What is a Friend?

June 21 marks a very special day – it is the birthday of my best friend. Each year, we get each other something special – not necessarily something expensive but something that will hold meaning for the other one. However, this year, I decided to do something different. I figure we’re pretty much “gifted out” seeing as we’re now past the 50 mark, and so this year, I’m giving her the ultimate gift – an expression of what her friendship has meant to me over the years.

We’ve known each other since we were three. We attended Humpty Dumpty Nursery School (no preschools then – it was nursery school). Oh, how we loved that place and what a great world in which to meet what would one day become one of the most special people in your life; your very first friend. Back then, we didn’t have playgroups or a “moms day out”, since most of our moms were stay-at-home moms anyhow. No, we had to meet and play at nursery school. And Humpty Dumpty was no ordinary place. Just down the street from all our homes in the west end of town, it was a place for learning and first play experiences. I even still remember the layout of that little white house and picket fence turned nursery school along with the cheerfulness of Miss Kay and Miss Gladys. It was a happy place and in the eyes of a three-year-old, sheer heaven. Of course, pre-school doesn’t last forever – a year, maybe two tops. So, we moved on to kindergarten.

Again, I was blessed to have my best friend in my class. Oh the joys of kindergarten with Mrs. O’Malley at the helm. She nurtured us and taught us the ABC’s. More importantly, we learned more about playing and deepening our first friendships. We laughed and played and began the first of many play dates, overnights and birthday parties.

In school, we sang everything together from “There’s a Hole in the Bucket, Dear Liza” to “Bosom Buddies”; of course, each taking turns and singing our appropriate parts. My friend and I went to school together all the way through 8th grade and into high school. Oh sure, friends changed here and there; interests and dynamics. But isn’t that what growing up is all about?

In college, she went to Boston while I stayed in Illinois. I must confess, we lost touch for a few years. However, once we were both married and had children, we picked up where we left off. Because, that’s what best friends can do - you don’t miss a beat! We’ve not parted ways since then except for the occasional move, which I must confess has been due to my family obligations. If it were up to either of us, we would never say “good-bye”.

Still, we keep in touch and see each other once a year. Technology has made it all the more possible for us to write or talk on the phone; but she still writes a “real” letter and sends me articles and prayers through the mail. I love her even more for that – how she thinks of me each time she finds something relevant to my life, puts it in an envelope then goes to the post office to mail it. Doesn’t sound like much; yet, I know she’s incredibly busy and she still thinks of me all the time. I have her prayers posted throughout my classroom and her recipes saved. I pour over all the articles, savoring every word, that she has so lovingly cut out and sent to me. Even my own children won’t eat anyone else’s banana chocolate chip bread except the one I make from Aunt Cathy's “special” recipe.  And if she makes it herself, it's even better!  

Time marches on, and we even ended up in the same profession. We’re both elementary school teachers now. We commiserate every time we see each other. We talk about our students, our colleagues and administrators -- and even the teachers we had growing up– the good and the bad – hoping that we don’t fall into the category of the latter. We also laugh – a LOT! We were both avid readers growing up and who else could be a Midwestern girl’s idol but the late Erma Bombeck?   So, adapting that same quirky sense of humor as Erma, we find ourselves doing a little one up-man-ship to see who can make the other laugh harder when we’re together (or at least I know, I do!) Hearing her laugh makes me know she appreciates and values my friendship. And besides, where else but Panera Bread, can we savor the coffee and our time together while laughing non-stop for hours on end while getting free coffee refills?  Somehow, we can never seem to get enough of the other’s company when I’m in town.

We’ve been through everything together – boyfriends, marriages, children, divorces, deaths – good times and bad. A few years ago, we got together and sort of just went through the list of comparisons in our family histories – births, deaths, marriages and religious preferences between our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Although, they are too many to list,  we decided there were so many similarities that we are about as close to being sisters as one can possibly be, without actually having a blood relation in there somewhere. No, it just seems we are kindred spirits, brought together by God Himself.

We know where all the skeletons are buried and there they’ll stay. We’ve laughed together, cried together, and shared our most intimate secrets. In short, we have always been there for each other. We still have play dates – yes, the logistics have changed over the years but our love and affection for one another has not. So Cathy, “Here’s to you on your birthday! You’ve made my life better and certainly, a lot more fun! If we live to be 100, you will always have a place in my heart.

Have a VERY Happy Birthday, and know that even though I'm not there today,  I'm with you in spirit!  Love you, girlfriend!"