Top 10 Airline Disasters

It's been awhile since I posted, but I decided it's time to get back in the saddle. And "Whoa, Nellie" what a tale I have to tell!!

This past week-end we went to visit my daughter in Texas. Now, I am not one who enjoys flying. In fact, I have to be heavily sedated. Pass the Xanax and Dramamine, please! But even heavy sedation cannot negate the fact that this week-end's flights land on my Top 10 list for some of the worst flights I have taken.

Now, this carrier (who shall remain nameless for fear of lawsuits) is the one that basically herds its cattle, I mean passengers, like cattle. You are given a boarding pass with a letter determining what number you are in line. However, there are NO ASSIGNED SEATS! Imagine that -- a free-for-all once you get inside the plane. What genius came up with that idea??? Perhaps 100 years ago that was a good idea -- when they actually were one of the cheapest carriers around. But those days are over, baby! They now have fares that are as high as the best of them.

Never mind my husband didn't print off boarding passes the day before and FIVE of us (you got it -- FIVE) had to vie for seats throughout the plane, including our young son. Now, here's a little known fact. If you sit near the emergency exit -- you have to help EVACUATE the plane in an emergency. To help the all of TWO airline personnel. That's right folks -- sit near the exit and you get to exit LAST! After helping the other 179 passengers to safety. " Gee, I'll be GLAD to help. Let me grab a fire extinguisher while I'm at it and put out the flames on my body!!!"

Do you see where I'm going with this? ZERO customer service. Oh, and let's not forget that as we were coming home, we were delayed by over an hour because they were looking for 5 volunteers to fly stand-by since they overbooked! Now if this wasn't insult to injury, the airline hosts/hostesses (whatever the vernacular is today), thought it a lark to make fun and blame the PASSENGERS for the delays. "Tic, tic, tic -- that's the clock saying it's time to find a seat because you're causing us to be late." Or as they told an 80-something passenger, "Well, you didn't listen -- that's just going to take us that much longer to board our passengers." The list goes on. So, speaking of lists, I'm going to label my top 10 for suck-y flights.

1. Flight from St. Louis to NY circa 1982. This is what set off my whole fear of flying. While sitting next to an emergency exit, I noticed a huge gap around the door. It was not sealed tightlyand I sat for two hours as I watched the sky pass by my feet.

2. Flight from St. Louis to Kuwait circa 1996. Not only was my daughter puking all the way across the Atlantic but somebody actually died on the plane. Resuscitation took place from Jordan to Kuwait, since this was a member of the royal family. Oh, and let's not forget that we were held up in Chicago for 3 days before we could actually find a connection since we lost ours due to a storm.

3. Any flight from Kuwait to St. Louis with 4 small children on board. My only saving grace is and was XANAX!! That, and the fact, the kids were really stuck and couldn't run away anywhere. I'm sure the airline hosts/hostesses hated me for letting them run loose on the plane while I napped.

4. Flight from St. Louis to London. This was a direct flight circa 1994. I was pregnant and told not to carry luggage or anything heavy as I had gotten stuck in St. Louis over Christmas due to pregnancy complications. I was travelling with a 3 year old at the time who was newly potty trained. I asked a counter person for help with my carry-on bags, explaining the situation. He took me to the door of the plane, dropped my bags and said "Now, you're on your own". What an ass! A kindly passenger behind me who saw the whole thing carried my bags in. The hostesses who were obviously menopausal, judging by their spreading middles and gray hair, yelled at passengers who took their shoes off and walked around the plane, saying they could get broken glass in their feet. Oh, and I was yelled at for taking my three year old to the potty, since there was turbulence. It was up to me if I wanted to break our necks. I took my chances. Better a broken neck than pissy pants. By the way, that was the now defunct TWA. Is it a wonder they went bankrupt?

5. Last week-end's trip.

Ok, so I'm five short of the top 10 list, but in my own defense, I stopped flying between 1982 and 1993 due to what I refer to as the "Flight from Hell".

So folks, if you're planning a trip anytime soon -- take it from me. Fly a carrier that actually will assign seats and offers pretzels instead of peanuts. Or even better -- DRIVE!