My youngest daughter is here visiting from Texas. At the behest of me, she is helping me to get into shape. You see, my 30th class reunion is coming up. There's something about class reunions that will make you do things that you wouldn't ordinarily do; such as lose 20 lbs in a month or in my case, actually engage in physical activity in the hopes of losing a dress size or two.
I can count the number of times when I was actually physically fit. In 8th grade, when I was a bona fide cheerleader (my kids still chuckle at the thought of me doing a back walkover or handspring) and when I was 30 years old and had just had my third child. Something about being 30 sparked me into action. Even as a child, running was just something I never enjoyed doing. Must've been in the genes or something.
However, I suppose showing up at my reunion and declaring that I still have baby weight could potentially backfire. After all, I AM old enough to be a grandma (which I will be by then), and even if people were to believe I had a small child at home, they would certainly declare me legally insane. So, no, I cannot show up with this extra poundage. I'm bound to be found out with that scurrilous excuse. Granted, it's true that my weight ballooned during my 4th pregnancy. That and the fact that I've eaten about a million gallons of junk food since the day my youngest was born!!
Anyhow, the thing with my daughter is, she refuses to understand that I'm old and decrepit. For some reason, she thinks I can move like a 20 year old. I got news for her -- I ain't no 20 year old!! And to make matters worse, she actually MAKES me move until I sweat and huff and puff. It sucks, really! She calls my bluff on everything. Even the chest pains I felt today -- NOTHING! I'm still alive so I presume those were really just stitches in my side, but the fact is...they COULD'VE been real! As we passed a park bench she said, "Don't even think about it!" This, from the gird of my loins!
The other day as we were walking endlessly on the track at our exercise hub I commented that the reason I hate to exercise is that I hate to sweat and I hate to feel short of breath. Her response? That, mother, is called EXERCISING! I knew there was a reason I hated it! So, tomorrow, as I'm huffing, puffing, AND sweating...think of me! All I can say is I better look "hot" at my reunion -- and not because it's a 90-something degree day in August!!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Top 10 Airline Disasters
It's been awhile since I posted, but I decided it's time to get back in the saddle. And "Whoa, Nellie" what a tale I have to tell!!
This past week-end we went to visit my daughter in Texas. Now, I am not one who enjoys flying. In fact, I have to be heavily sedated. Pass the Xanax and Dramamine, please! But even heavy sedation cannot negate the fact that this week-end's flights land on my Top 10 list for some of the worst flights I have taken.
Now, this carrier (who shall remain nameless for fear of lawsuits) is the one that basically herds its cattle, I mean passengers, like cattle. You are given a boarding pass with a letter determining what number you are in line. However, there are NO ASSIGNED SEATS! Imagine that -- a free-for-all once you get inside the plane. What genius came up with that idea??? Perhaps 100 years ago that was a good idea -- when they actually were one of the cheapest carriers around. But those days are over, baby! They now have fares that are as high as the best of them.
Never mind my husband didn't print off boarding passes the day before and FIVE of us (you got it -- FIVE) had to vie for seats throughout the plane, including our young son. Now, here's a little known fact. If you sit near the emergency exit -- you have to help EVACUATE the plane in an emergency. To help the all of TWO airline personnel. That's right folks -- sit near the exit and you get to exit LAST! After helping the other 179 passengers to safety. " Gee, I'll be GLAD to help. Let me grab a fire extinguisher while I'm at it and put out the flames on my body!!!"
Do you see where I'm going with this? ZERO customer service. Oh, and let's not forget that as we were coming home, we were delayed by over an hour because they were looking for 5 volunteers to fly stand-by since they overbooked! Now if this wasn't insult to injury, the airline hosts/hostesses (whatever the vernacular is today), thought it a lark to make fun and blame the PASSENGERS for the delays. "Tic, tic, tic -- that's the clock saying it's time to find a seat because you're causing us to be late." Or as they told an 80-something passenger, "Well, you didn't listen -- that's just going to take us that much longer to board our passengers." The list goes on. So, speaking of lists, I'm going to label my top 10 for suck-y flights.
1. Flight from St. Louis to NY circa 1982. This is what set off my whole fear of flying. While sitting next to an emergency exit, I noticed a huge gap around the door. It was not sealed tightlyand I sat for two hours as I watched the sky pass by my feet.
2. Flight from St. Louis to Kuwait circa 1996. Not only was my daughter puking all the way across the Atlantic but somebody actually died on the plane. Resuscitation took place from Jordan to Kuwait, since this was a member of the royal family. Oh, and let's not forget that we were held up in Chicago for 3 days before we could actually find a connection since we lost ours due to a storm.
3. Any flight from Kuwait to St. Louis with 4 small children on board. My only saving grace is and was XANAX!! That, and the fact, the kids were really stuck and couldn't run away anywhere. I'm sure the airline hosts/hostesses hated me for letting them run loose on the plane while I napped.
4. Flight from St. Louis to London. This was a direct flight circa 1994. I was pregnant and told not to carry luggage or anything heavy as I had gotten stuck in St. Louis over Christmas due to pregnancy complications. I was travelling with a 3 year old at the time who was newly potty trained. I asked a counter person for help with my carry-on bags, explaining the situation. He took me to the door of the plane, dropped my bags and said "Now, you're on your own". What an ass! A kindly passenger behind me who saw the whole thing carried my bags in. The hostesses who were obviously menopausal, judging by their spreading middles and gray hair, yelled at passengers who took their shoes off and walked around the plane, saying they could get broken glass in their feet. Oh, and I was yelled at for taking my three year old to the potty, since there was turbulence. It was up to me if I wanted to break our necks. I took my chances. Better a broken neck than pissy pants. By the way, that was the now defunct TWA. Is it a wonder they went bankrupt?
5. Last week-end's trip.
Ok, so I'm five short of the top 10 list, but in my own defense, I stopped flying between 1982 and 1993 due to what I refer to as the "Flight from Hell".
So folks, if you're planning a trip anytime soon -- take it from me. Fly a carrier that actually will assign seats and offers pretzels instead of peanuts. Or even better -- DRIVE!
This past week-end we went to visit my daughter in Texas. Now, I am not one who enjoys flying. In fact, I have to be heavily sedated. Pass the Xanax and Dramamine, please! But even heavy sedation cannot negate the fact that this week-end's flights land on my Top 10 list for some of the worst flights I have taken.
Now, this carrier (who shall remain nameless for fear of lawsuits) is the one that basically herds its cattle, I mean passengers, like cattle. You are given a boarding pass with a letter determining what number you are in line. However, there are NO ASSIGNED SEATS! Imagine that -- a free-for-all once you get inside the plane. What genius came up with that idea??? Perhaps 100 years ago that was a good idea -- when they actually were one of the cheapest carriers around. But those days are over, baby! They now have fares that are as high as the best of them.
Never mind my husband didn't print off boarding passes the day before and FIVE of us (you got it -- FIVE) had to vie for seats throughout the plane, including our young son. Now, here's a little known fact. If you sit near the emergency exit -- you have to help EVACUATE the plane in an emergency. To help the all of TWO airline personnel. That's right folks -- sit near the exit and you get to exit LAST! After helping the other 179 passengers to safety. " Gee, I'll be GLAD to help. Let me grab a fire extinguisher while I'm at it and put out the flames on my body!!!"
Do you see where I'm going with this? ZERO customer service. Oh, and let's not forget that as we were coming home, we were delayed by over an hour because they were looking for 5 volunteers to fly stand-by since they overbooked! Now if this wasn't insult to injury, the airline hosts/hostesses (whatever the vernacular is today), thought it a lark to make fun and blame the PASSENGERS for the delays. "Tic, tic, tic -- that's the clock saying it's time to find a seat because you're causing us to be late." Or as they told an 80-something passenger, "Well, you didn't listen -- that's just going to take us that much longer to board our passengers." The list goes on. So, speaking of lists, I'm going to label my top 10 for suck-y flights.
1. Flight from St. Louis to NY circa 1982. This is what set off my whole fear of flying. While sitting next to an emergency exit, I noticed a huge gap around the door. It was not sealed tightlyand I sat for two hours as I watched the sky pass by my feet.
2. Flight from St. Louis to Kuwait circa 1996. Not only was my daughter puking all the way across the Atlantic but somebody actually died on the plane. Resuscitation took place from Jordan to Kuwait, since this was a member of the royal family. Oh, and let's not forget that we were held up in Chicago for 3 days before we could actually find a connection since we lost ours due to a storm.
3. Any flight from Kuwait to St. Louis with 4 small children on board. My only saving grace is and was XANAX!! That, and the fact, the kids were really stuck and couldn't run away anywhere. I'm sure the airline hosts/hostesses hated me for letting them run loose on the plane while I napped.
4. Flight from St. Louis to London. This was a direct flight circa 1994. I was pregnant and told not to carry luggage or anything heavy as I had gotten stuck in St. Louis over Christmas due to pregnancy complications. I was travelling with a 3 year old at the time who was newly potty trained. I asked a counter person for help with my carry-on bags, explaining the situation. He took me to the door of the plane, dropped my bags and said "Now, you're on your own". What an ass! A kindly passenger behind me who saw the whole thing carried my bags in. The hostesses who were obviously menopausal, judging by their spreading middles and gray hair, yelled at passengers who took their shoes off and walked around the plane, saying they could get broken glass in their feet. Oh, and I was yelled at for taking my three year old to the potty, since there was turbulence. It was up to me if I wanted to break our necks. I took my chances. Better a broken neck than pissy pants. By the way, that was the now defunct TWA. Is it a wonder they went bankrupt?
5. Last week-end's trip.
Ok, so I'm five short of the top 10 list, but in my own defense, I stopped flying between 1982 and 1993 due to what I refer to as the "Flight from Hell".
So folks, if you're planning a trip anytime soon -- take it from me. Fly a carrier that actually will assign seats and offers pretzels instead of peanuts. Or even better -- DRIVE!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Ode to Mom 1927-2007
My mom died December 21. It's hard to write that and even harder to imagine it's true. But it is. She fought the good fight. She spent her last three weeks of life in the hospital. Although I think she would have preferred to have been home, that was just not possible . She would have had to ask for hospice. She did not want that. After all, hospice is for people who are dying. To have been on hospice would have meant having to admit that final truth.
My mom was a brave woman. She fought as long and as hard as she could. At the end, her 90-something pound body just could fight no more. It was sad to watch the decline of a woman who was so witty and bright. As we go through the pictures of her over the years, it is hard to imagine a woman so full of life and vitality is gone.
Her words still come back to me as I silently think about calling her about this or that. "Mom, I'm sick -- should I go to school?" "Stay home and rest." "But I feel guilty!" "Don't feel guilty -- get better." "I feel like I'm dying!" "You're not dying, you're just neurotic like your mother!" And on it goes...
I don't think my mom suffered like most people with cancer do. She seemed comfortable until the end. God was merciful to her in that way. The strongest pain medicine she ever took was a Darvocet N-100 and it relieved what little pain she had. I thank God for that!
In the end, she died with her loved ones surrounding her. Her room was very quiet and we all just sat and talked with her until she passed into the next life. When I entered her room and saw her labored breathing, I whispered in her ear, "Tonight, you'll be dancing with the angels, Mama!" I was right.
Last night, I had a dream she visited me. She thanked me for helping her spiritually and told me it (Heaven) was all I said it would be. I asked her if she was with her friends, and she said, "No, I will see them in a few days." One last visit and a final good-bye.
Whenever I feel sad, I think back to her illness and all the challenges she faced. She never let anyone know how she really felt. I'm sure she felt scared, and lonely, and missing us before she even left this earth. And I'm sure she felt sick. The day she was admitted to the hospital, as she laid in the emergency room, she looked at me and said, "I'm not going to be here much longer." I told her, "Don't say that, you don't know..." She pointed at her heart and said, "I know." She did know.
I wish this blog were funny or silly or even somewhat poetic. It's not but it's from the heart. Those other words will come later. So as I dry my tears on my sleeve, and write this final "good-bye" know that you were loved, Mom! And that we'll miss you forever....
My mom was a brave woman. She fought as long and as hard as she could. At the end, her 90-something pound body just could fight no more. It was sad to watch the decline of a woman who was so witty and bright. As we go through the pictures of her over the years, it is hard to imagine a woman so full of life and vitality is gone.
Her words still come back to me as I silently think about calling her about this or that. "Mom, I'm sick -- should I go to school?" "Stay home and rest." "But I feel guilty!" "Don't feel guilty -- get better." "I feel like I'm dying!" "You're not dying, you're just neurotic like your mother!" And on it goes...
I don't think my mom suffered like most people with cancer do. She seemed comfortable until the end. God was merciful to her in that way. The strongest pain medicine she ever took was a Darvocet N-100 and it relieved what little pain she had. I thank God for that!
In the end, she died with her loved ones surrounding her. Her room was very quiet and we all just sat and talked with her until she passed into the next life. When I entered her room and saw her labored breathing, I whispered in her ear, "Tonight, you'll be dancing with the angels, Mama!" I was right.
Last night, I had a dream she visited me. She thanked me for helping her spiritually and told me it (Heaven) was all I said it would be. I asked her if she was with her friends, and she said, "No, I will see them in a few days." One last visit and a final good-bye.
Whenever I feel sad, I think back to her illness and all the challenges she faced. She never let anyone know how she really felt. I'm sure she felt scared, and lonely, and missing us before she even left this earth. And I'm sure she felt sick. The day she was admitted to the hospital, as she laid in the emergency room, she looked at me and said, "I'm not going to be here much longer." I told her, "Don't say that, you don't know..." She pointed at her heart and said, "I know." She did know.
I wish this blog were funny or silly or even somewhat poetic. It's not but it's from the heart. Those other words will come later. So as I dry my tears on my sleeve, and write this final "good-bye" know that you were loved, Mom! And that we'll miss you forever....
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